Deal
by Innocence in Question
Summary: After Soujiro regains his emotions, he doesn't know how to begin down the road of being a rurouni. Lucky for him Aoshi shows up at the opportune moment to help him learn a few things about life.


Deal  
  
A.N./Warnings: Please note: This is semi-AU; it does not concur with the canon. I do not know exactly how events between Kenshin and Soujiro transpired, therefore, that makes this a 'what if' scenario of sorts. Those are placed under the AU category. WARNING: YAOI! This means two boys holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc. I do not do the etc., just FYI. This is clean. (For now.) If that still squicks you, scram. Phwaa. Also note: Soujiro is somewhat a uke. He has his emotions back (starting with sadness and pain, oh joy, oh rapture; what a wonderful start), so he cries, feels things, etc. However, simply having these basic feelings would not make him understand them or know what they were. Please bear this in mind; it will play a prevalent role in adding to his confusion throughout the whole story. Again, just in case you missed it before: WARNING: YAOI.  
  
Chapter I: I Can't  
  
"If a man says he can't, he will not; if he says he can, he will at least be able to say that he tried." ~Proverb, origin unknown  
  
"Himura-san, do not ask me to do the impossible. You know better than anyone else that someone whose hands are bloodstained can never really erase their past." Soujiro's cheerful voice had become quiet, almost melancholy.  
"Hai. It is an unthinkable thing for this one to request of you, this I know." Kenshin smiled softly. "But I am not telling you to erase, or even regret, your past. I am asking you to move on, so that you can find your truth. And that," his lavender eyes twinkled, "is not impossible at all. This one has done so."  
"You are still haunted, Himura-san," Soujiro replied, staring at the blade he held. "And so will I be."  
"Perhaps. But, you have already begun to find friends, am I wrong?" Kenshin pointed out softly. The brown haired Tenken glanced at his feet.  
"We fought together, Himura-san. We were allies, accessories to each other. That is all. You know as much."  
"I don't think that's how Aoshi sees it," the samurai parried.  
"Most likely he does not even remember me! And even if we did become close, how would that help to atone for my sins?"  
"You would put a smile on a face that has been solemn for many years. Such a feat is not to be taken lightly. Your life is not over, Soujiro-san. It has just barely begun. Live it in whatever manner suits you best, but don't forget the advice of someone who wishes you well." Kenshin's smile was sad this time as he gently clasped Soujiro's shoulder.  
"I. . .Himura-san, I can't. I don't know where to begin! This. . .you ask too much of me," the young man stuttered, perpetual smile fallen from his lips, giving way to distress and consternation.  
"I ask nothing of you. Your future will be determined by what you ask of yourself. Goodbye." Kenshin walked slowly away, leaving behind someone who was no one: he was not an emotionless killer; he could never again be an innocent, kind little boy; he was not - could never be - a wanderer.  
With a pained gasp of hopelessness, he fell to his knees, slowly sinking down until his forehead rested on the cool grass. "I can't," he sobbed, voice breaking. His eyes burned as hot tears spilled out of them for the first time in so long. . .eight long, long years. . . It hurt to cry; his ribs ached with each shuddering intake of breath he took, and yet it felt so good, in a masochistic sort of way. He wanted the pain to go away, and yet he never wanted it to stop. "I can't, I can't I can't. . ." Soujiro whimpered quietly, holding his head with both hands. "I can't. . .I can't do it on my own. Please come back!" But Kenshin was gone, and he had made it clear that he was not going to teach Soujiro how to deal with his feelings again. He was all alone. . . Soujiro hiccupped, and attempted to sit up, but slumped back down.  
"Are you done yet?" a cold, quiet voice asked. Soujiro's heart fluttered as he recognized the tone.  
"Shi-Shinomori-san?" he breathed, hardly daring to believe it.  
"Hai. Himura-san told me I'd find you here, in some considerable state," Aoshi replied. A pair of feet came into Soujiro's line of vision through his strands of hair. He glanced up with puffy eyes, wiping his face.  
"Shinomori-san. . ." It was almost inaudible.  
"Daijoubu ka?" A hand reached down to help him up.  
"Aa, I'm fine." Soujiro tried to find a standard smile, but with the return of his emotions, it seemed his mask had fled.  
"Fine. Here." Aoshi went back to being near-wordless and handed a plain white handkerchief to Soujiro.  
"Why did you come?" the Tenken's voice was still wavering, although his face was no longer damp and he wasn't trembling.  
"Why would I not have?"  
"You - you have better things to do, that's why. You gain nothing from coming to see me. I can't fight for you; I've sworn not to kill. What's in it for you?" His eyes searched cold teal ones, but there were no answers. He's as good at hiding things as I was, Soujiro realized.  
"None of those reasons are mine, and I do not have better things to do. Now get up, you foolish boy."  
"I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't. . ." Soujiro's eyes squeezed shut. "Please, don't ask me to. . .I can't, I can't, I can't. . ." A hand struck swiftly across his cheek, before he even realized Aoshi had moved. Soujiro gasped and stared up at him, blue eyes wide with shock and beginning to fill with tears again. "Shinomori-san. . .Baka ne1. . ."  
"If you appreciate that I care enough about you to come and collect you, take my hand and get up. If you'd just as soon I go away, fine. I will," Aoshi stated with sharp cut straightforwardness.  
"I. . .I'm sorry." The boy bowed his head in shame. "I'm really just a child after all, if you strip away all the outer layers, ne?" He smiled sadly.  
"What will it be?"  
"Thank you." Soujiro gripped Aoshi's hand, and the tall ninja pulled him to his feet.  
"I'm glad to see that you could, after all."  
  
1 Baka ne - I don't understand. Used in this instance as 'Why did you do that?' 


End file.
